The New England Patriots and their “legendary” quarterback Tom Brady are off to a terrible start this year and NFL bloviators are trying to make sense of it.
Just how badly is Brady playing this year?
Through four games, he’s statistically the worst quarterback in the AFC East. Just so we’re clear, that list includes Geno Smith, Ryan Tannehill and EJ Manuel, who was just benched for Kyle Orton.
And that’s not just some conventional-stats anomaly; according to Football Outsiders’ advanced metrics, Brady ranks 33rd in total QB value ahead of only Geno Smith, Josh McCown and Chad Henne. One is in his second season and the other two are journeymen. <CBS Sports, link>
His former teammate and fellow (fake) Superbowl champion Rodney Harrison, now a broadcaster, does not think Brady is at fault, but rather blames Brady’s wide receivers instead:
“Tom Brady can still play,” he said during an appearance on WEEI, via ESPNBoston.com. “But when you surround him — there’s a reason why Brandon LaFell was let go [by Carolina]. He’s not a great player. He’s a young guy, and he has to make his way in this league…”
He’s goes on to bash a few other Patriots, but we hardly need to read on, do we?
Because we know the real reason for Brady’s troubles.
The Superbowl rings weigh on him in just the same way the evil ring of Sauron weighed on Frodo Baggins in Lord of the Rings.
This is because Brady knows that he cheated in three Superbowls, along with all the other Patriots of those years, and that since the cheating was exposed, he and they have won exactly zero Superbowls.
The sad truth is that they cannot win the Big Game because they are not the superstars that they have pretended to be.
And Brady knows it.
And so I will repeat myself again:
GO, TOM BRADY, TO MOUNT DOOM, AND GIVE BACK YOUR FRAUDULENT SUPERBOWL RINGS AND REPENT FOR YOUR CHEATING IN THREE SUPERBOWLS.
Only then, Frodo Brady Baggins, will you have a chance at winning your first Superbowl and wearing a true Superbowl ring.
Until then, you will suffer, dear Baggins, you will suffer.