Tom Brady, the Charles Van Doren of our time, is trying to procure a new contract from his employer, the New England Patriots. I wonder how ownership sounded as they were preparing for the negotiation:
Owner 1: Boy, the kid sure is popular, he probably expects a lot of money.
Owner 2: Yeah. But all those fans don’t know what we know: that Tom’s best years were a result of the cheating tapes and how Bill was able to radio the defensive plays into his helmet right before every snap of the ball.
Owner 1: Heh heh — yeah, well, that’s our little secret. All that cheating not only made Brady look good, but us too!!
Owner 2: ‘Aint that the truth, pardner!
Owner 1: Do we give it to him straight and tell him he’s not worth what he thinks he is? I think the kid forgets how we made him “great”.
Owner 2: No, no. We all hang together on the charade, so we best let him keep lying to himself. Time to pay up for him.
Owner 1: By the way, let’s give Roger a call and tell him one more time how glad we are he burned the tapes to hide the evidence!
Owner 2: Hey, he asked us not to. Don’t worry, he knows that we and all the other owners are forever in his debt for that bold act.
